"What?... All I Hear Is Rich Black Guys" - Evan Burchuk with Headphones On.

The newest addition to my family (not the same car as shown in photo)

My dad gave me his 1994 Pontiac Sunbird for my birthday. I'm thinking of putting some flame decals on the side... Just so I can look like the biggest fucking chotch in the world. 

Seriously. What's the deal with people who think that decals actually look good on a car. If you do it as a joke to simply poke fun at all the asians and muscle dummies, then good job. But if you actually have some form of decal on your car and you're remotely proud of it. Then go fuck yourself. I'm sick of seeing Roxy, Quiksilver, Billabong and any other terrible Board Short producing company stickers in the back windows of people's cars. These people need to stop shopping at West 49, because I'm ready to snap and smash a window or slashing their tires. The funniest/most ridiculous part of this whole trend, is that a good 75 percent of the people with these stickers or decals have never stepped foot on a surfboard or snowboard. I'm not saying I have, but even if I did I wouldn't promote the worst companies on the windows of my car. I guarantee you I could walk around the North Kildonan area of the city and count about 25 stupid decals on cars within an hour. Including the ones of Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes pissing on a Ford logo or something gay like that.

I've never understood this whole obsession of spending ridiculous amounts of money on your car. Putting street glow on it, spoilers, tinting the windows and redoing the entire interior. Save your fucking money and put it towards something important. If you live in your car, it's a completely different story. You've got to be proud and happy with where you live. You're not "cool" if you drive it down Main every sunday night and waste alot of gas just to make alot of noise and annoy people, making them wait in traffic. It's an automobile, designed for getting to Point B quicker than walking or on horseback. I must say though, if I saw someone riding a painted horse down Main on sunday, than I would be impressed. But if they're in some lame car with glitter paint and a four foot tall spoiler, blasting 50 cent or some other marginally talented rapper, then I sincerely hope they eat shit and die.

If you have an El Camino or Monte Carlo, then that's cool, those are nice cars. As long as you don't make it look like God just took a big steaming shit on it. 

In other news, my girlfriend is awesome. If you don't have one, find one. Fuck playing the field, bringing random ass girls home from the bar and risking getting Herpes or some other hilarious STD. I can't lie and say I feel bad for people with STD's, unless they're born with it. But if you catch it, then  you're stupid. Wear a jimmy you fucking cunt. Teenage pregnancy is the farthest thing from awesome. I'm a good example of this. (but my parents are awesome and I'm happy they did what they did or else you wouldn't be reading this.)

I'm tired, but have alot of stuff pissing me off. I guess I'll save it for another entry. Until then. Thanks for reading this far and not closing the window. You're awesome. Unlike the people driving up and down Main street tonight trying to impress the girls in their really sexy Tapout and Afflicted gear. 

Headphones:

Bob Marley and the Wailers. 

One Eight Seven

It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm not as excited as I used to get. Probably because I'm older now and not much excites me anymore. I see the world as it really is and get less and less psyched to grow up. Nothing is Power Rangers and Biker Mice From Mars anymore. It's serious now and it's getting harder and harder everyday to read the news. Humans are being corrupt by greed and jealousy and it's ruining our society. I really don't want to grow up.

Peter Pan had it all. Too bad Robin Williams is a jackass and thought it would be cooler to be a gay lawyer than a kickass Lost Boy.

That's why I hate Robin Williams. 

And his caveman knuckles.

An Entry Fueled by Hatred. Deal With It

"...pornos are to jacking off, what snowboarding is to skateboarding. It's so much work. you need a mountain, snow, gloves, a bunch of gay clothes, a lift ticket, a lift, boots, a snowboard and a shit ton of drinks afterward to help you forget how gay you are for doing it in the first place. Skateboarding, you just walk out the door and hop on your board and you're good." 

-Dave Carnie

Incase you couldn't tell. I've hated snowboarding so much for my entire life. I tried it once, maybe twice when I was ten. Never again. I would rather sit on a comfortable couch, drink hot chocolate and relax for the winter instead of whipping down a steep ass hill getting snow in my nose and windburn on my cheeks. At least with skateboarding you can get off your board and hang out with your friends. On a nice day, share a few laughs, a few drinks maybe and just skate around. Opposed to being strapped to a board and not being able to really socialize with your friends because your voice is muffled by your scarf/neckwarmer. The only drink that tastes good when you're snowboarding is hot chocolate. You can't enjoy a good slurpee or a cold water. I'm sure a few snowboarders are going to read this and hate me. But in reality I don't give one, even two shits if you do. Because you look like a fairy frolicking around in the snow. 

I had to get that off my chest. I'm sick of people talking about how "amped" they are to snowboard this winter. Nothing has pissed me off this much. Oh well.

In other news. We went and saw Religulous last night.

It was awesome. Which is what I had expected. For a while now I've been an agnostic but before that I was one of the many who had been brainwashed into believing there was a God or Jesus. But I don't like being tricked. Now, after reading countless books, articles. Seeing Religulous, and the movie that kickstarted it all for me, Zeitgeist. I just cannot agree with the idea of a "God". It all just seems like a big old fairy tale. It's up there with Green Eggs and Ham.

I stole this article from the Daily Show website. Read it and I guarantee you will think twice about "accepting Jesus into your heart".

"The god Horus was recorded into egyptian history 3,000 years before jesus, and yet they are nearly identical in recorded life experience. What are your thoughts on their similarities listed below? And if this confrontation upsets you, why? What is wrong with analyzing recorded history and asking legitimate questions? Thats what Bill Maher is doing, and i'm greatful for that. 

 

1. Both were conceived of a virgin.

2. Both were the "only begotten son" of a god (either Osiris or Yahweh)

3. Horus's mother was Meri, Jesus's mother was Mary.

4. Horus's foster father was called Jo-Seph, and Jesus's foster father was Joseph.

5. Both foster fathers were of royal descent.

6. Both were born in a cave (although sometimes Jesus is said to have been born in a stable).

7. Both had their coming announced to their mother by an angel.

8. Horus; birth was heralded by the star Sirius (the morning star). Jesus had his birth heralded by a star in the East (the sun rises in the East).

9. Ancient Egyptians celebrated the birth of Horus on December 21 (the Winter Solstice). Modern Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25.

10. Both births were announced by angels (this is not the same as number 7).

11. Both had shepherds witnessing the birth.

12. Horus was visited at birth by "three solar deities" and Jesus was visited by "three wise men".

13. After the birth of Horus, Herut tried to have Horus murdered. After the birth of Jesus, Herod tried to have Jesus murdered.

14. To hide from Herut, the god That tells Isis, "Come, thou goddess Isis, hide thyself with thy child." To hide from Herod, an angel tells Joseph to "arise and take the young child and his mother and flee into Egypt."

15. When Horus came of age, he had a special ritual where his eye was restored. When Jesus (and other Jews) come of age, they have a special ritual called a Bar Mitzvah.

16. Both Horus and Jesus were 12 at this coming-of-age ritual.

17. Neither have any official recorded life histories between the ages of 12 and 30.

18. Horus was baptized in the river Eridanus. Jesus was baptized in the river Jordan.

19. Both were baptized at age 30.

20. Horus was baptized by Anup the Baptizer. Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist.

21. Both Anup and John were later beheaded.

22. Horus was taken from the desert of Amenta up a high mountain to be tempted by his arch-rival Set. Jesus was taken from the desert in Palestine up a high mountain to be tempted by his arch-rival Satan.

23. Both Horus and Jesus successfully resist this temptation.

24. Both have 12 disciples.

25. Both walked on water, cast out demons, healed the sick, and restored sight to the blind.

26. Horus "stilled the sea by his power." Jesus commanded the sea to be still by saying, "Peace, be still."

27. Horus raised his dead father (Osiris) from the grave. Jesus raised Lazarus from the grave. (Note the similarity in names when you say them out loud. Further, Osiris was also known as Asar, which is El-Asar in Hebrew, which is El-Asarus in Latin.)

28. Osiris was raised in the town of Anu. Lazarus was raised in Bethanu (literally, "house of Anu".

29. Both gods delivered a Sermon on the Mount.

30. Both were crucified.

31. Both were crucified next to two thieves.

32. Both were buried in a tomb.

33. Horus was sent to Hell and resurrected in 3 days. Jesus was sent to Hell and came back "three days" later (although Friday night to Sunday morning is hardly three days).

34. Both had their resurrection announced by women.

35. Both are supposed to return for a 1000-year reign.

36. Horus is known as KRST, the anointed one. Jesus was known as the Christ (which means "anointed one".

37. Both Jesus and Horus have been called the good shepherd, the lamb of God, the bread of life, the son of man, the Word, the fisher, and the winnower.

38. Both are associated with the zodiac sign of Pisces (the fish).

39. Both are associated with the symbols of the fish, the beetle, the vine, and the shepherd's crook.

40. Horus was born in Anu ("the place of bread" and Jesus was born in Bethlehem ("the house of bread".

41. "The infant Horus was carried out of Egypt to escape the wrath of Typhon. The infant Jesus was carried into Egypt to escape the wrath of Herod. Concerning the infant Jesus, the New Testament states the following prophecy: 'Out of Egypt have I called my son.'" (See Point 13)

42. Both were transfigured on the mount.

43. The catacombs of Rome have pictures of the infant Horus being held by his mother, not unlike the modern-day images of "Madonna and Child."

44. Noted English author C. W. King says that both Isis and Mary are called "Immaculate".

45. Horus says: "Osiris, I am your son, come to glorify your soul, and to give you even more power." And Jesus says: "Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once."

46. Horus was identified with the Tau (cross)."

If you don't believe Jon Stewart is telling the truth, go to the library and read a book. Not the Bible. Since it's a big book of fairy tales. And if someone is going to preach to me about how I'm negative or something. Then fuck off and don't read this blog again. Because that's just how I am. 

PS. sorry Mom!

"You know the name of the game yo' girl chose me. Now we can handle this like gentlemen or we can get into some gangsta shit."

The official: Most gutsy halloween costume ever.

I was going to go as shaggy for halloween. Not the rap artist, but from Scooby Doo. But my hair is getting long and annoying and i want to cut it more than anything. So now I'm obliged to figure out something new. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

In other unrelated news, I was told the other day again that I resemble James Franco in Freaks and Geeks days. Which I got so psyched on because he's a handsome cat. Upon being told this I went and bought the Freaks and Geeks box set. And Detroit Rock City. Just for kicks. 

Now I'm going to go to work because apparently I'm a massochist since I still work at American Apparel and am too lazy to look for new employment.

I'll leave you with this trailer for the upcoming Notorious BIG biopic. 

Can't wait to see this one.

Dead Snow

Reading Slashfilm today and I came upon this slice of excellence...

A norwegian movie called Dead Snow. The main idea. 

BLOODTHIRSTY ZOMBIE NAZIS!!

The Description:

"A group of eight friends drive to a cabin in northern Norway where German troops where slaughtered by angry locals living there in 1945. Now the undead zombie Nazi soldiers feast on whoever comes there way"

If for some reason you understand norwegian, than you're in luck. Because the trailer isn't in english. But it doesn't matter because it still looks like an award winner... Maybe a little exaggeration there.. Who knows.

Here's the trailer...